I watch too much television.

Maybe it is because I was too busy in my younger days to watch it. Maybe it is because I still haven’t figured out retirement.

Or maybe it is because this is the golden age of television. With so many channels and so many streaming apps, there is a lot to watch.

Having said that, I am usually loathe to recommend something. Since I watch too much, I am hardly selective.

But I am breaking my rule for those who enjoy watching animals. Disney+ has a documentary series Secrets of Whales by a famous whale photographer who spent three years filming them.

One thing is clear. The more we learn about whales, the less we know. For example, it has recently been discovered that different species of whales occasionally mate.

Spoiler alert! I am going to reveal some amazing discoveries, but the good news is that these are just a few of many.

Orcas or killer whales are known to be very social, intelligent, and travel in pods. Scientists have discovered that their communication, dialect, behavior, and food source depend on their pod and where they reside. In other words, orcas have culture.

The photographer followed female pods of adults, adolescents, and calves who were related to the matriarch. One pod of orcas residing off the coast of New Zealand dined on skates. The older females hunted them and shared their catch with the family. In one touching moment, a young female brought over a partially eaten skate to share with the photographer. Imagine how intelligent, generous, and curious she had to be, to offer her meal to the shiny, black, funny looking, bubble making creature who was pointing a dubious instrument at her. She waited until it became clear that the photographer was not interested in sharing this delicious meal and took it back and swam away.

Orcas are very, very social and grieve deeply. One orca female was observed pushing her dead baby alongside of her for weeks; unable to part with her.

Male humpback whales not only sing, but they also compose songs. Each year male humpback whales on the West Coast of Australia collaboratively compose their mating song. Somehow their song travels 3,000 miles across the continent of Australia to the eastern coast of Australia. Within days, the males on the East Coast of Australia are singing the same song.

Sperm and blue whales remain the most mysterious. Sperm whales plunge such deep depths that scientists have no idea they hunt the mysterious giant squid.

Beluga whales are considered the most communicative and social. One male pod adopted a lone male narwhale who had gotten lost. Belugas appear to have the most complex communication among whales. Scientists hypothesize that they call each other by their name and engage in some form of conversation. Every year thousands gather at Cunningham inlet in Canada to bear their young and catch up with other pods.

And, I suspect, to gossip. I am imagining their conversations.

“Can you believe that Click/click/e-Flat mated with Click/snap/howl/moan/moan last year? I mean, let’s face it, she is the prettiest in the pod and to choose him?”

“I know, the nose on Click/snap/howl/moan/moan is so big. And he has some light spots on his back, I suspect his grandmother mated with a narwhale. I heard that she was wild in her day.”

“I think that I am going to choose Snip/tap/click/click this year,” says Whee/click/click. “This year all of his babies have been girls and we need another girl in our pod.”

“Hmmm, good idea,” says Yow/ick/snip, “and he is definitely easy on the eyes. By the way, have you seen Tap/d#/click’s baby? She was just born last week and is sooo adorable.”

Meanwhile, several miles away, a male pod is oohing and aahing about how Little Miss Snip/snap/bubble has grown up.

“Yep, she is looking fine,” says Yowl/eer/whip. “But I have always had a thing for her sister. Our little boy is so cute.”

“But lately, the young ladies seem to be eyeing Snip/tap/click/click. All of his babies this year are girls, he is going to be stiff competition.”

Or maybe they are nicer than we are and just enjoy each other’s company.

Angela Rieck, a Caroline County native, received her PhD in Mathematical Psychology from the University of Maryland and worked as a scientist at Bell Labs, and other high-tech companies in New Jersey before retiring as a corporate executive. Angela and her dogs divide their time between St Michaels and Key West Florida. Her daughter lives and works in New York City.

It is Black History month, and this month PBS is rerunning its series on the Reconstruction. This is the third time that I have watched it, but it never fails to frustrate and depress me.

What a missed opportunity!

A brief history.

After the Civil war, the slaves had been freed, but freedom didn’t include a way to survive. Due to state laws, most freed men and women were illiterate. Few had experience with money management. They had no means of even getting food or clothing.

Lincoln, a believer in helping all humanity, created the Freedman’s bureau to address their needs. Money was tight but the United States held land (850,000 acres) from foreclosures, abandonment, and lien seizures. In the 19^th century, the United States, especially the South, was primarily an agrarian economy. The Freedman’s Bureau planned to loan acreage to former slaves who would have had three years to pay back the loan.

But Lincoln’s successor, Andrew Johnson, was a Southerner. Johnson gave the land to white landowners leaving the freed people consigned to a new form of slavery, sharecropping. With nothing left but the right to vote, they elected Black members of Congress and constituted the majority in the South Carolina state legislature. That is, until Jim Crow laws stripped away their rights.

In the best of circumstances, this transition would have been difficult. Many white people could not allow themselves to recognize Black Americans as equals. White people in the South had to create this illusion to justify enslavement. With Southern prejudice, different customs, dialect, and experience, it may have been unlikely that a full integration would have happened in a single generation; but it would have happened a lot sooner.

Instead, white mobs relentlessly targeted and killed Black Americans. Eventually the nation grew weary of the costs of maintaining Black American freedom. The liberal Republicans, then the party of justice, tried to hold on. But, by 1876, with economic problems and the increasingly violent behavior of white supremacists, they gave up. The removal of US troops resulted in the commencement of systematic repression of the Southern Black population.

It has been 150 years, and despite progress, there is still much to be done.

Our country, through the electoral college and the Senate gives more weight to voters from rural and Southern states. In my lifetime, the electoral college has given the presidency to the less popular, conservative candidate twice.

This is unfortunate, because in general rural populations have lower education levels, less sophistication due to  less exposure to the world, less understanding of science (e.g., evolution, climate change), and adhere to more restrictive religious conventions that undermine equal rights. I do not mean to imply that Southerners are less intelligent or less caring, but empathy and knowledge for others comes from exposure and experience.

For example, in Manhattan, where Trump lived and operated, he received only 12% of the vote. New Yorkers were able to see him for what he is. Yet even today Trump supporters believe his falsehoods, deny that he lost the election, and ignore his legal issues (including apparently flushing documents down the toilet). And there is a possibility that our Democracy could have collapsed on January 6^th, 2021, as Trump tried to eliminate democracy simply because he lost.

Southerners created Jim Crow laws. One of the most embarrassing system of laws ever created anywhere, much less in a free country like the United States. Hitler considered using Jim Crow laws to stop the Jews but determined that they were too outrageous.

As long as we give rural areas more power than urban areas, it is likely that we will continue to have regressive politics.

And I fear that in 100 years from now; the overpopulated, polluted, climate-changed world will look upon this time; when we could have addressed our problems and wonder why we didn’t act.

Imagine if we had spent the money that we spent on the war in Iraq on the environment?

Imagine.

Angela Rieck, a Caroline County native, received her PhD in Mathematical Psychology from the University of Maryland and worked as a scientist at Bell Labs, and other high-tech companies in New Jersey before retiring as a corporate executive. Angela and her dogs divide their time between St Michaels and Key West Florida. Her daughter lives and works in New York City.

My nieces and nephews are starting to have children now, and some of the names that they choose for are unusual.

Naming a child is a big responsibility. Today vintage names, (e.g., Hazel, Ajax, Lillian) are popular. Some new parents are making creative choices as well. Certainly, Hollywood has been an inspiration for this trend with names like Apple, Moon Unit, and Pilot Inspektor.

When I named my daughter, I wanted to include a story in her name. I also wanted to name her after my mother. It was the least that I could do after what I put my mother through during adolescence.

But my husband did not like my mother’s name and it was against Jewish custom to name someone after someone who is living. (They might be right since my mother died unexpectedly five months after my daughter’s birth.) As a compromise, we took a relatively uncommon name and added a middle name, which embedded my mother’s name. We thought it was rather clever, but my daughter hasn’t been a fan. I asked her as an adult what she thinks about her name. She said that while she doesn’t appreciate the spelling, it is a part of her.

While Jews typically use names to honor people who have passed; Christians have no difficulties naming children Jr., III, etc. after living relatives.

African American names have even more variety. In addition to European and Creole names, in the 1970’s it became common to combine names adding prefixes (e.g., La), suffixes (e.g., isha) and sometimes punctuation. But these children can suffer as my daughter has, by constantly having to spell their names. On one of my teams, I had three Kenishas, all with different spellings.

In America, it requires a legal proceeding to change your name. The Chinese people, on the other hand, have no such constraints and typically have several names over their lifetime. They have the names given them at birth, (called Ming), names that they take at adulthood (called Zi), and names they give themselves (Hao). Those who travel or live in the West often add a Western name if their name is too difficult for English speaking people.

So, yes, in America, it is a big decision. But it is one of the hundreds of parenting decisions that my nieces and nephews will second guess over the years. My advice, “buckle up.”

Angela Rieck, a Caroline County native, received her PhD in Mathematical Psychology from the University of Maryland and worked as a scientist at Bell Labs, and other high-tech companies in New Jersey before retiring as a corporate executive. Angela and her dogs divide their time between St Michaels and Key West Florida. Her daughter lives and works in New York City.

I fired my landscaper yesterday.

It was a long time coming, I have had problems with him for years. Without a landscaper in Key West, your home becomes a jungle or a desert (if the irrigation fails) and every year, I returned to a neglected landscape.

A relative who has worked in HR for years informs me that “people fire themselves.” This was certainly true.

My former landscaper’s final mistake was to “trim” (aka destroy) my Cardboard Palm. Prior to its massacre, it was approaching 7’ height with an 18’ diameter.

The Cardboard Palm was stunning, but that is not what bothered me. He trimmed a cycad!

Cycads are called “fossil plants” because they have changed little since prehistoric times. Indeed, fossils of these ancient plants date back 200-300 million years. Cycads coexisted with dinosaurs, and I imagined when I was looking at this cycad that I was peering into a dinosaur’s world. Cycads have survived cataclysmic events that took down dinosaurs and many other species. My particular cycad was probably 50 years old; but it was no match for an ill-trained landscaper.

Cycads are hard to miss. While they can be confused with palms and ferns, they have distinctive thick, leathery (and often sharp), deep green leaves. Unlike ferns or palms, they emerge from dark brown, feathery, missile-shaped cones. The females produce large, brightly colored seeds (usually orange-red). Cycads only grow in tropical and sub-tropical climates.

If you also wish to walk among the dinosaurs, the cycads: Sago Palms, ZZ plants, or Cardboard Palms can be grown indoors. But be careful, these plants are highly toxic.

But not so fast. In my research for this article, I discovered that maybe my cycad wasn’t so special after all.

Mosses predate cycads. And ferns coexisted with cycads.

Furthermore, it has recently been discovered that today’s cycad species are not the progeny of those ancient cycads. Using DNA, scientists uncovered that they are only about 12 million years old. Way before humans, but not exactly hanging with the dinosaurs.

In fact, an imaginary walk among the dinosaurs can simply include the common ferns or mosses in Maryland. Alas, it turns out, a lot more was murdered than my cycad; including my fantasy of walking with dinosaurs.

C’est la vie.

Angela Rieck, a Caroline County native, received her PhD in Mathematical Psychology from the University of Maryland and worked as a scientist at Bell Labs, and other high-tech companies in New Jersey before retiring as a corporate executive. Angela and her dogs divide their time between St Michaels and Key West Florida. Her daughter lives and works in New York City.

When I was in graduate school, it was considered unscientific to believe that animals had feelings, could develop a language, or even communicate. As the dominant species, humans were believed to have the corner on language, perception, knowledge, and intelligence. B. F. Skinner believed that nurture was predominant over nature, and we could mold humans into anything that we wanted them to be. Operant conditioning and Classical Conditioning were the modes of learning (Operant—we reinforce desired behavior, Classical—we pair elements to create learning).

Scientists who suggested that animals could grieve, communicate, or use a language were mocked.

Thank God those days are behind us.

Today’s scientists are more accommodating when it comes to understanding communication and intelligence. We recognize that there are different types of intelligence, sensory experiences, and communication.

This new philosophy is coming just in time. As our environment groans from our large (and massively expanding) human population; scientists are investigating how animals and plants that adapt to changing environments can help us.

Many scientists recognize that most species are more dimensional than originally believed. Elephants, primates, dolphins, and whales, in addition to communicating, may have a language. Dogs can understand some words in the human language and primates can be taught sign language.

Many plants and animals have more acute and more complex senses than we possess. For example, a dog’s sense of smell is approximately 50 times greater than ours. When they smell stew, they separately smell carrots, onions, beef, etc. and can identify every ingredient in the stew.

Many animals can detect when a storm is approaching. While scientists hypothesize that this due to an ability to sense a change in barometric pressure; I suspect that there is more to it.

Humans are constrained by what we can sense; scientists are constrained by what we measure. It is not a large leap to suggest that there are other signals, frequencies, energies that exist that we cannot yet measure.

Human arrogance has prevented us from learning from plants and animals. For example, we didn’t recognize that elephants had a language until 20 years ago. They use a low frequency that we could measure but not hear. We also understand that many species grieve. It is believed that some animals (e.g., sea turtles, birds, dogs, butterflies, fish, lobsters, etc.) use Earth’s magnetic field for navigation.

Scientists have recently discovered that trees actually communicate with each other. Yep, that’s right, even plants can communicate. A parent tree nurtures its saplings. How? Mycelium (fungi) form an underground “mycorrhizal network,” which enables individual plants to transfer water, nitrogen, carbon, and other minerals. That network is vast and, in some ways, as sophisticated as the Internet and the human brain. That’s right fungi. (The mushrooms that we see are actually just the reproductive parts of mycelium.)

Since trees use it, what else might?

Some scientific fields, such as mycology (the study of mushrooms) are being led by amateurs and naturalists who are unconstrained by conventional “wisdom.”

The naturalist, Jim Hutto, spent a year as a “turkey mom” to a brood of wild turkeys in a Northern Florida forest. He discovered a new world where turkeys communicated with each other and experienced joy every day through play and curiosity.

Paul Stamets is a recognized expert in fungi and views mushrooms as a critical resource for environmental and medical advances. Mushrooms have been able to adapt to major environmental changes, such as the cataclysmic mass extinction of the dinosaurs and most plants and animals. (For those interested, I recommend the documentary, Fantastic Fungi on Netflix.).

In the past, we have used plants to create medicines, now scientists are investigating what we can learn from animals and plants. What products do they produce (e.g., silk) that can replace commonly used inorganic materials (e.g., in medicine)? Mushrooms, with their ability to break down carbon-based forms, could become among the most effective cleaners of land-based oil spills. Scientists have been able to double the efficiency of solar panels by modifying their structure to match the nano-structure of butterfly wings.

Rather than fighting against and attempting to conquering nature, what if we revered it, worked with it, and took advantage its knowledge and wisdom? I can only hope that new generations of scientists and naturalists learn to work closely with our Mother Earth. She has so many secrets to reveal.

Angela Rieck, a Caroline County native, received her PhD in Mathematical Psychology from the University of Maryland and worked as a scientist at Bell Labs, and other high-tech companies in New Jersey before retiring as a corporate executive. Angela and her dogs divide their time between St Michaels and Key West Florida. Her daughter lives and works in New York City.

A friend and I were catching up. She is very social and gets a lot of visitors in Key West. But she was dreading her upcoming visit with her nephew.

“He’s very bigoted,” she explained. “And he is a tenured teacher in an urban neighborhood. He claims that he learned his racism through his job.”

“He is actually a good person,” she continued. “He’s kind to his parents, tithes, and does a lot of volunteer work for his church.”

I was instantly appalled (and judgmental), that this person teaches people he hates.

We know that racism is not limited to just black and white. I attended my niece’s Bat Mitzvah, where an ultra-conservative rabbi preached that reluctantly he concluded that we need to kill people who violently (and that definition was broad) oppose Israel’s right to exist. My appalled brother-in-law never attended that Synagogue again. On another occasion, I remember listening to my cleric-uncle preach a sermon supporting racism. My father, visibly shaken, mumbled that there is a special place in Hell for people who preach hate from the pulpit.

This raises the question, can someone who is racist, an abuser, or misogynist be a good person?

This question has haunted me for some time.

There is another side to this coin as well. Tumblr has a site Racists Getting Fired whose goal is to find people who post racist comments on the Internet and notify their employers. Remember, Amy Cooper? She called the police on a Black man (who was a bird watcher in Central Park) indicating that an African-American was dangerously threatening her (when he merely asked her to leash her dog). He filmed the incident, and his post went viral. She lost her job, temporary custody of her dog, and was charged with attempting to file a false police report (it was later dropped).

Do these tactics assist in the battle for social injustice, or do they simply represent a new kind of abuse and create further division?

About 20 years ago, I decided that I would no longer call a racist, abuser, or misogynist a “good” person. Instead, I can describe his/her good characteristics and also clarify that s/he is biased.

But is this merely judgmental virtue signaling? (Namely, I am better than you because I am against racism.)

What do religious leaders and ethicists believe? Can racists, abusers, or misogynists also be “good” people?

Christians believe in “hating the sin” but “loving the sinner.” The Bible clearly states that only God can judge; and since are forgiven, we must forgive others. But what if the sin hurts so many people? Racism brings everyone down, both its targets and people share the same skin color as the racist.

Rabbis believe that the Torah compels us to make society a better place, so we must engage racists to help them understand that this point of view is not God’s teaching.

Ethicists are more nuanced. Most give advice on how to confront a person with racist views (use “I” words not “You” words). Others ask if it is “right” that we decide that our views are correct and those against us are not.

Should we remain friends with racists, misogynists, or abusers. Many Ethicists, following Aristotle, believe that friendship must err on the side of tolerance. But Aristotle also believed a friend’s character matters to a friendship. So if you believe that this is too great a character flaw, you can decide that the vices outweigh the good.

All agree that you it is very unlikely that calling out racism will change someone’s views – only they can. By just saying to someone, for example, “Your views are racist and you’re wrong”, you may have done the “right thing” in your mind – but have you changed anything?

Research on implicit bias suggests that people are much more complicated that just dividing us into racists and non-racists. All of us can be very quick to generalize about anyone who we perceive to be “the other.” This bias can be based on many characteristics: ethnicity, gender, race, age, religion, nationality, sexual orientation, socioeconomic status, etc.

In fact, calling out others as racists, is little more than judgmental virtue signaling. (I am good, and you are “bad.”)

So, after all this, I still cannot find an answer. I guess that all that I can do is live with my choices, recognizing that I do not get to hold the “virtue wand.”

Angela Rieck, a Caroline County native, received her PhD in Mathematical Psychology from the University of Maryland and worked as a scientist at Bell Labs, and other high-tech companies in New Jersey before retiring as a corporate executive. Angela and her dogs divide their time between St Michaels and Key West Florida. Her daughter lives and works in New York City.

Critical Race Theory (CRT) has inadvertently become a new conservative/liberal dividing line. An election was decided in large part by it and state legislatures are busy trying to prevent it.

But does anyone really know what it is? Academics who specialize in this topic do…but do the rest of us?

To satisfy my curiosity, I did some research over the Christmas break. It became clear that this is an academic framework to examine and explain race issues in America. I only read two academic articles, both were technical and I quickly realized that the research that I didn’t review is voluminous. As is true with most academic hypotheses, while it is widely accepted, there is also criticism from both liberal and conservative academicians.

So, how did such a technical academic topic come into the public consciousness? An academician described it on a conservative channel, and it took off based on a fear that this will be used to teach that White Americans and American institutions are racists.

People act as if shaping messages in public and private school is wrong, scary, inappropriate, etc.

But the truth is that schools have been and will continue to shape messages about race, gender, sex, and identity. Religious schools are expected to indoctrinate their students on the rules and tenets of their religion.

When I was in grade school (approximately a million years ago), the information that I learned about Black Americans was shaped by the epic film and novel, Gone with the Wind. I learned that “good” Black Americans stayed on as slaves, grateful for any praise or trinkets that they might receive. Black American men were intent on stealing and raping White women. And other African American people, like the Prissy character, were fools and liars, desperately needing a good slap. Our substantial local Black history was barely mentioned.

I would have appreciated getting a different message, as it took years to uncover the insidiousness of this programming.

Curriculums have changed since I went to school, and they will continue to change to reflect new knowledge and changes in the culture.

So, before we embrace or vilify this theory, I think that it makes sense to learn what it actually is.

To help us, on January 18th, St Michaels Community Conversations and the American Association of University Women (AAUW) Easton are hosting a conversation about Critical Race Theory: What It Is and What It Isn’t with Dr. Bernard Demczuk. An Easton resident, Dr. Demczuk is currently an African American Cultural Historian and Professor at the University of the District of Columbia.  He is also the author of Mame’s Spirit, An Afro Futurist Love Story Remixed with Righteousness and West African Spirituality.

To further our understanding, they will also be hosting a panel discussion on CRT on February 15th. To receive a ZOOM link for January 18th, email [email protected].

I hope that believers and skeptics alike will join me for this timely conversation. There is nothing more powerful than knowledge.

Angela Rieck, a Caroline County native, received her PhD in Mathematical Psychology from the University of Maryland and worked as a scientist at Bell Labs, and other high-tech companies in New Jersey before retiring as a corporate executive. Angela and her dogs divide their time between St Michaels and Key West Florida. Her daughter lives and works in New York City.

 

I am going to try to worry less.  It is something that I have been working on for a long time, but it is 2am and I am worrying about this column.

I get my worrying honestly; my father was an incessant worrier.  And nothing good ever came from it. Any psychologist can tell you that worrying can create neuroses and fear in children; and parenting from fear and worry usually results in criticism. Worrying is also destructive on relationships and health. Most psychologists and psychiatrists believe that worrying causes anxiety.

And our species is not alone; many animal species worry. Anyone who has dogs knows about separation anxiety and panic from loud noises. My dogs become clingy and anxious when they see my suitcase. Prey animals exhibit anxious behaviors when they are in a vulnerable location. (There is a theory called the Landscape of Fear that suggests that this “worrying” keeps the environment in check.)

A new theory, the Contrast Avoidance Model (2011) proposes that worrying is a coping mechanism for anxiety. Anxious people tend to be hypersensitive to criticism, mistakes, shaming, and embarrassment. The Contrast Avoidance Model proposes that worrying increases the general level of anxiety, which reduces the impact of these negative experiences.

Sort of chicken and egg to me…does worrying cause anxiety or does anxiety cause worrying?

Over the years I have accumulated several Cognitive Behavioral techniques to reduce worrying.  Here are some that you can try if you are a fellow sufferer:

• Living in the moment. We can’t change the past, we can’t predict the future, all we have is right now…and right now is pretty good.
• When you are worrying use a rubber band (to boink your wrist) or scream out loud, “Stop Worrying” (obviously only a good solution at home).
• Thinking about three items that are good in your life. (For example, my bed is comfortable, I have a wonderful family and friends, and I love my dogs.)
• The 3 3 3 anxiety/worrying rule. Name three things you see (not good in the dark); name three things you hear; move three parts of your body.

The goal of these techniques is to divert worrying.

But why do we worry in the first place?

The root cause of anxiety/worry is an overactive amygdala (in the brain). The amygdala sends a nerve impulse to the hypothalamus which activates the pituitary gland. The pituitary gland then signals the adrenal gland to secrete adrenaline, noradrenaline, and cortisol—the hormones that trigger fear.

About 20% of the population are born with overly sensitive amygdalae. And many, but not all, of these people find it difficult to control worrying and experience restlessness, fatigue, difficulty in concentrating, irritability, muscle tension, decision making, and sleep disturbance. Research has also shown that the size of the amygdala is larger in anxious people.

A significant problem with an overactive amygdala is that it interferes with sleep. Recent sleep research shows that in poor sleepers, the amygdala awakens them early in the sleep cycle which limits the amount of deep sleep. It is believed that this deep sleep “clears out the brain.” Remember the term, “sleep on it?” Sleep researchers believe that this deep sleep may “clear out” the amygdala, reducing the fear associated with a behavior/thought/decision.

It is too early to know if this is speculation or fact, but for those of us who are poor sleepers it makes sense.

So what to do? My long term goal is to reduce the size of my amygdala (which actually increases with worry and anxiety). Some vitamins and amino acids (tryptophan) may work. Keeping busy can also help. But most psychologists and medical doctors believe calming strategies, such as meditation, relaxation, deep breathing, and focusing on the moment (living in the now) are most effective, if practiced regularly.

So I am determined to go back to these techniques…even though I find them tedious (obviously, or I wouldn’t be in this situation).

Hopefully, one day I will be able to follow the sage advice of the immortal Alfred E. Neuman from Mad Magazine. “What me worry?”

Angela Rieck, a Caroline County native, received her PhD in Mathematical Psychology from the University of Maryland and worked as a scientist at Bell Labs, and other high-tech companies in New Jersey before retiring as a corporate executive. Angela and her dogs divide their time between St Michaels and Key West Florida. Her daughter lives and works in New York City.

I am often confused by gender fluidity and how it relates to sexual orientation (it doesn’t). Although I try, I inadvertently use the wrong pronoun to people who are not cisgender. (For those who have not yet heard the term, cisgender refers to people whose gender identity matches their sex organs, chromosomes, and hormones.)

It is easy to understand why I am confused.  The science and psychology are evolving as this marginalized group is no longer being ignored.  One article identified 20 terms for gender fluidity.

There are different types of gender fluidity. Gender, like sexuality, operates along spectrum and not the binary forms of male and female that we grew up believing.

There are several different types of gender dysphoria. Transgenders feel that their gender is different from their sex organs. Transgender people may identify as male or female, nonbinary, or simply ‘trans’. Trans people may or may not choose hormonal or surgical interventions to make their bodies reflect their gender identity.

Intersex individuals are equally diverse. Some individuals have external or internal sex organs that fall outside of typical binary categories. Others are born with chromosomal or hormonal differences. Some male babies are born with two or three X chromosomes, just as some female babies are born with a Y chromosome. Some individuals do not realize that they are intersex until they reach puberty. Intersex individuals are not as rare as we think; it is estimated that between 1%-2% of the population are intersex.

Under the gender fluidity umbrella are individuals who feel that they are both genders or something else entirely. Nonbinary people fit into this category. They can have no gender, more than one gender, or their gender can fluctuate.

Sexuality, on the other hand, is not related to gender identification. It refers to the gender that we are attracted to. There are four recognized types of sexuality: heterosexual (attracted to the opposite sex), homosexual (attracted to the same sex), bisexual (attracted to both sexes), and asexual (attracted to neither).

Western society has typically been intolerant of those who are not heterosexual and cisgender. In fact, homosexuality was considered a psychiatric disorder until 1987.

But apparently other societies do not see the world as rigidly.

Hindus have deities that are both male and female or neither in different incarnations. Rather than seeing someone different as “defective”, the hermaphrodite (now called intersex), the homosexual, and the transvestite have a symbolic value and are considered privileged beings.

India recognizes a third gender, called Hijras. Hijras are often assigned male at birth, but a few are born with intersex variations. The India Supreme Court in April 2014 recognized transgender people, eunuchs, and intersex people as a ‘third gender’ in law, and on their passport. Nepal, Pakistan, and Bangladesh have also legally accepted the existence of a third gender.

In some indigenous cultures in Mexico, Muxes (pronounced Mu-SHAY) are a recognized third gender.  Muxes are typically born male, but early in their development, their families recognize and accept their female identities.

Native Hawaiians and Tahitians recognize Māhūs, which is an intermediate state between man and woman, or a “person of indeterminate gender.” Some Native Americans and Polynesians acknowledge a spectrum of genders: feminine woman, masculine woman, feminine man, and masculine man.

So, the Western world’s recognition of nonbinary gender and sexuality is really just catching to less restrictive cultures.

Now comes the hard part, avoiding offending someone who does not fit into our binary, heterosexual world. The English language doesn’t help, as we only have male and female pronouns for people. Transgenders and nonbinary people sometimes use they/them…but using that as a singular, is just hard, especially for those of us schooled in grammar.

But the English language is adaptable…many of our words have been derived from other languages.  Just like Ms. has become accepted, I hope that English will evolve to include pronouns that are equally receptive.

I think about how many people have suffered due to our rigidity. And how much the world has lost.

After all, Leonardo da Vinci was a gay man who was born out of wedlock. Had he not lived in liberal, Renaissance Florence, his genius might never have been realized. How many other da Vinci’s have been unable to contribute to humanity because we rejected them?

We will never know.

But it is better late than never.

Angela Rieck, a Caroline County native, received her PhD in Mathematical Psychology from the University of Maryland and worked as a scientist at Bell Labs, and other high-tech companies in New Jersey before retiring as a corporate executive. Angela and her dogs divide their time between St Michaels and Key West Florida. Her daughter lives and works in New York City.